Burned out

I am so burned out. Too much stress and I've lost my joi de vivre (again)

I dread going to work and coming home isn't much fun either. Not because I don't love my family but it feels like I get home so late and I still have to get dinner ready and help kids with homework and that project that the kids put off all term but now it's due TOMORROW. Like the huge medieval village map that Cortland and I ended up drawing and coloring for hours Sunday night. Tonight we had projects on Fungi (Club Fungi! By Katie I didn't even ask...but WTH??)a time line for ancient history (Cortland)
study for a test for colonial history (Callie) and make a pop up booklet for ancient Rome (Katie). Thank God Tony made dinner for us and had it ready when I got home. Otherwise, we would have eaten whatever I could have whipped up the fastest. And of course, no matter what I suggest for dinner there is always someone who doesn't want that.

I ache everywhere. My eyes burn and I feel like a soulless zombie. I apologize to my loved ones (and you are loved dearly) I know I have been unpleasant, distracted and grumpy lately and despite my best attempts at having a good attitude I am still struggling. I am trying to be grateful for everything that I have. I know I have much to be thankful for. My family, friends, our home, the fact that I have a job and can provide for my family (no matter how much I despise it) but right now I feel like all I can do is: Mason is having a very hard time dealing with Tyrel's death. It kills me because I know there is nothing I can do or say to lessen his pain. He cries himself to sleep each night and struggles daily wanting to know WHY?? He feels so guilty for all the things he wished he would have said or done which is normal but it intensifies the pain he's feeling. Watching your loved ones grieve is harder than dealing with than your own at times :(
Grief
by Gwen Flowers

I had my own notion of grief.
I thought it was the sad time
That followed the death of someone you love.
And you had to push through it
To get to the other side.
But I'm learning there is no other side.
There is no pushing through.
But rather,
There is absorption.
Adjustment.
Acceptance.
And grief is not something you complete,
But rather, you endure.
Grief is not a task to finish
And move on,
But an element of yourself-
An alteration of your being.
A new way of seeing.
A new definition of self.